Dear Snarky Mom:
Every year I host the Thanksgiving feast for my extended family. I have 20 people who show up off and on throughout the day, and most of them are from out of town. That's not even the problem. The problem is that they all show up with empty hands and requests. One wants a South Beach Diet stuffing. Another wants an extra sweet potato casserole. Another wants a pecan pie. How do I send the message, kindly, that just because they drove from far away doesn't make me their servant? ~Exhausted in Nevada
Dear Exhausted:
You need to get over being kindly. You need to practice saying, "I'm not your bitch," in the mirror. So what if they come in from far away? They don't have kitchens and coolers? I certainly hoping that you charge a cover. How's this: They either bring something or give $50 per couple. Make it $100 of their punk-ass brats show up, too. And none of the "I picked up a pie at the Wal-Mart bakery, so when is the turkey going to be done" crap. You can take care of the turkey 'cause that would suck if it was reheated after an 8 hour car ride. Everyone else's ass better have a casserole dish in their hands when they arrive. Or a big tub from Bojangles. And none of this "off and on" crap. Dinner is served at 5. Get your asses here at 3pm (no earlier 'cause that's annoying) and watch your shit 'cause I'm not sitting in the kitchen making sure the marshmallows don't burn. Or whatever people in Nevada put on their sweet potatoes. I host the meal, but after that first Thanksgiving everyone was taking a nap while I was in the kitchen . . . well, let's just say that 'you snooze you lose.' I also refuse to clean the house anymore. You get clean sheets on the guest bed (or so you think . . . Grandma doesn't sweat that much and she was just here 2 nights). Otherwise, let's hope the dog hasn't eaten the Roomba cord again.
Top Photo: http://imagecache5.art.com/p/LRG/27/2713/7DHND00Z/joseph-leyendecker-baby-chef-and-turkey-c-1922.jpg
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