It Takes A Village

Dear Snarky Mom:

Every time I go to a playgroup, this one mom is always harping on my daughter. How do I get her to stop bossing my kid around?

~ Jenny

Dear Jenny:

There are two issues here. Either she's a bitch or your kid is a brat. Or maybe both. Since you can only control yourself, let's take option #2 first. Remember last playgroup when your kid kept taking other kids' toys and hitting them repeatedly with it? Remember when your kid dumped that big bucket of water onto the host? Remember when your kid taught all the other children how to cuss like a sailor? You dont? I bet she does. Ask yourself if your little angel is doing any of these things: a) climbing on stuff, b) destroying stuff, c) terrorizing other children, d) screaming like a banshee. If so, stop being a total pussy. Make your kid behave. Sit on the floor and show your kid how to play with others. Make her share. Take her out of the room until she can calm down. Don't give me any crap about not being able to get back up off the floor. Bring a stool. Stop screaming at your kid from across the room. No one wants to hear that, and its not the least bit effective. If the lady is merely just a bitch, stop going to her playdates. She doesn't want you there either.

Photo: http://www.bluefootstudios.com/images/illustration/moms.jpg

In the Beginning . . .

Good morning, readers! Your kids are brats. Well, not all of them. Some of them are just being kids and that's totally okay. My kid embarrasses me publicly about once a week. Last week he asked a woman (with short hair and excess facial hair) why she was carrying a pocketbook since she is a boy. That's not brattiness. That's a good question. He is a naturally inquistive spirit. I kind of thought the lady was a dude, too. I've just been trained not to say shit like that. He's still in training.

There isn't a thin line between brattiness and kiddishness. Its a broad, large, dark line. If you don't know that, your kid is probably a brat. When you are coming over to people's houses, they lock up their good shit and steel themselves mentally.

Do you want your kid to be dreaded? Oh, and its totally not the kid's fault people use him as a cautionary tale. Its your fault. Stop screwing him or her up. Don't be that parent that is on TV in 20 years wondering where you went wrong and why your kid committed that horrible crime against humanity. Or you'll end up raising your bratty grandkids. Karma is a bitch.

Photo: http://watchmojo.com/blogs/images/kid-dunce-hat.jpg