What's Classier Than Rhinestones?

Dear Snarky Mom:

My in-laws are insisting that our family attend a very stuffy and formal wedding out of town. The invitation requests that the ladies wear hats and the men wear formal evening wear. I have a 2 year old son, and no one to watch him. How do I tell my in-laws that I can't afford a stupid formal outfit for a 2 year old? How can I ask them to pay for it without compromising my dignity?

~Casual in Kansas

Dear Casual:

First of all, you must practice the mantra, "There is no shame in my game." Your in-laws are so totally smoking crack if they think that taking a 2 year old to a formal wedding is going to be anything other than a total fiasco. That said, if you must attend to avoid being banished forever, I suggest complaining. Alot. Complaining is so totally looked down upon in our culture, but it is effective. Forget your dignity. Remember when you had to spread your legs for a doctor and a whole bunch of strange nurses? That was the last you'll ever see of your dignity. Plus, I hate to tell you, but you probably pooped in front of them while pushing out your amazing gift from God. It's so true. So, let's look at this from a snarky perspective. If they want your kid to wear a formal outfit that will never see the light of day again? Let them pay for it. Sure, let the MIL pick out the outfit. Let her reach for the AmEx. Then take it home and bedazzle the fuck out of it. That'll teach her to guilt trip you into driving out of town to attend a wedding that requires you to purchase new clothes. I bet she won't ask you to do it again. And your 2yo will be head-over-heels with his new suit. He'll want to wear it everywhere. And you totally should let him. Tell yourself that you are allowing him to express himself. Take lots of pictures. You'll be getting a lifetime of chuckles, and it'll totally boost his little self-esteem. Until he's a teenager. Then its great for a bribe. Win-Win-Win.

Rhinestone Jacket ala Tool Academy